PERSONAL SPACE, PUBLIC TRANSGRESSIONS

Yesterday, while eating breakfast out, I had an experience that many people have had. Someone touched me in public, without my consent, not once but twice.

Seated at a two-topper within inches of four people sitting next to me, I was drinking coffee reading something on my phone when a white man next to me touched my arm and asked "what did we do before we had those phones?" I was a little put-off at this uninvited invasion of my space but I remained pleasant, said something politely in response, and returned to my reading. At the end of their meal, as the four stood to leave, this same man touched me on my shoulder and told me to have a nice day.

Perhaps this was a benign act for him I thought, just a friendly gesture. I struggled a little asking myself if I was uncomfortable because of some of my touch issues generally, perhaps even some internalized homophobia, or did I have a right be upset with this person. Of course, the answer is the latter.

In the interim period, this same man stood up and took a few steps over to a woman holding her baby who appeared to be bi-racial, seemingly unknown to him, and spoke to her while touching the baby and the baby's curly hair telling the woman how cute the baby was.

I'm not a woman so I can't speak to the experience of unwanted contact from a man in a public space from that perspective. But as a human being I experienced this as a privileged act of assumption with this man assuming that all space within his reach is his to occupy.

I spoke today with a friend who recounted an occurrence during a pregnancy where a man approached her and without hesitation touched her pregnant belly; as if her belly was disconnected from her body, an object within his reach and control that he presumed was his to admire in such a cavalier manner. Ironically, I touched my friend on the arm this morning, an act which triggered my remembering my own incident; I acknowledged the touch, and discussed it with her which lead her to recount her own experience.

There exists a politics of touch, sometimes subtly, sometimes violently connected to domination ideologies of white and male supremacy. It's a type of casual aggression that gets easily dismissed at times in part because touch between human beings can be a link connecting our humanity in intimate and powerful ways. But unless it's infused with awareness and framed by consent it becomes yet another tendril of oppression that wraps itself around and through our daily lives.

(NOTE: Touch in and of itself is neutral. It is, as I've stated, a way to connect our humanity by being a supportive and loving expression. However it can also be used to reinforce power dynamics in both work and personal relationships and occurs in a culture infused with and informed by white and male supremacy both of which help determine who has the power and who is vulnerable to its abuse.

The key is consent guided by awareness and communication as well as an understanding of context. Most touching is consensual I would wager or occurs in a cultural context in which it is expected. There is also unintentional contact that is not what I'm speaking of here.)

ci